Fighting Over Finances? 5 Tips to Financial Bliss

Most couples fight over finances and many will even divorce over money conflicts. Many couples have differing philosophies – one may be a spendthrift while the other is a cheapskate. It doesn’t matter what your money baggage is, you and your spouse can resolve financial issues with these 5 tips:

1. Promote mutual understanding of each other by discussing how you were raised around money and what your money personality is. It doesn’t really matter how your parent’s interaction with money played a part of your money relationship; it is just important that your spouse understands where you are coming from so  he/she can be more understanding and compassionate about how you make financial decisions. Don’t judge or attack each other’s styles – accept and learn how to work with what you both bring to the relationship in order to attain money harmony.
2. Get the ostrich to come out and play the investment game. The silent spouse or the “I don’t want to know” spouse is skeptical that anything but poverty is a choice. Get them involved slowly by educating and discussing options and opportunities that you can take advantage of. This will get their heads up and thinking – hey, maybe we can build wealth after all.
3. The unbalanced couple where one knows everything and the other is out of the loop is challenging. I get the balance back in the game by getting one spouse slowly involved and getting the other spouse to relinquish some control over the finances. One will feel empowered by the new duties and the other will see that they don’t have to do it all and know it all, a win-win for all.
4. When all else fails, bring the kids into the picture and make wealth building a family affair. Have a once a month financial meeting to discuss what the family’s mission statement is – what they value, what they will pass on to each other and what they share with others. This gives the kids a wider view that money isn’t always about material things but also about helping others. It also is a great segway to letting the kids know what you will provide for them and what is expected of them to provide for themselves.
5. Not on the same page? Try this. Each spouse writes down their financial goals in private and then share. Look at each list and highlight the common ones that you share. Work on how you both will achieve that goal. When you accomplish one goal together, then it is a lot easier to compromise and come together to work on the next. Success breeds more success.  Watch out! In this process you may find out that it is even fun to outline together what you want your financial life to look like and how you both will contribute to that.

Don’t let issues around money destroy your marriage.  No matter how different you are in your money personalities you can still find common ground and come together to realize those goals and aspirations that you both want and deserve.

Get out the pen and paper and start now after dinner with a discussion about what you really want. Remember that you can’t reach a target if you don’t know what it is. Let failure be an option. You aren’t always going to get it right but keep forging ahead. It’s all a learning and growing experience to be enjoyed together.